Wow, try to keep up!
"What if we just hate living in Vegas? And not USA?", Tobi asked me. He had small tremors in his hands and hesitancy in his voice. I could tell this wasn't easy for him to express.
As much as I know this was a good question, I was still broken hearted. Tobi's sister, Laura, had just given birth to Delia. I was already feeling like I'm missing out on these huge life moments that I wanted to be a part of. In Germany, with our family. Tobi's mom was transitioning to her life after another knee surgery, coping with the realities of aging. I wanted to be there. I was frustrated. We had planned this move for about 2 years. We downsized for it, I changed my job for it. I learned German for it! I know it wasn't a waste. But still. It's something had been dreaming out which isn't going to happen anymore.
I knew he was right. An international move is more difficult to reverse than a cross country move. Maybe it could be good?
After deliberating a lot with our friends, I realized that we are privileged to have options. I allowed myself to be sad for 2 weeks. Eventually, I felt horrible that we hadn't told our family yet. They were expecting us, you know? They were part of the dream too after all. Tobi's mom had collected items for our apartment when we move there like new, fluffy towels and a wok. I actually think she even hesitated to move out of her current apartment because she was saving it for us since the rental market in Germany can be competitive. We broke the news. They still supported us through the tears.
So, where to next? We immediately thought of Portland. 10 years ago on the first summer when Tobi came to visit, we took a 10 day road trip up the Highway 1 in California to Oregon. We visited my closest friends at the time. Kalipay in Big Sur and then Elizabeth in Portland. Since then, we always would daydream about living there. Elizabeth even took our engagement photos in the rose garden in 2018. Last week, when Tobi asked me, "What about Portland?" -- I took the leap before he could even finish his breath. I was just afraid he would change his mind again. I accepted my dream job back in the Peds ER and Tobi was able to transfer to a new route. Things were just oddly falling into place for us. This has probably been the easiest life transition we've ever been through. Easier than our long distance relationship. If in honest, even easier than our marriage.
So, here we are! Planning our move to Portland next month. I can easily say that I'll miss my friends the most. But the strongest feeling I have right now is... relief.